Dead Bugs on my Windows

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Moments like this morning don’t always happen. In fact, these days they tend to be more rare than roadrunners chasing you around your garage (which did happen this week, incidentally; but that’s a story for another day).

Back to this morning. It did happen.

A momentary pause in life. Perfect cup of coffee. Chobani Greek yogurt with farm fresh dewberries. Flipping open my pocket Bible for a peaceful moment, just me and God. Looking for courage for another day, and knowing I’d find it in Him, and blessed with just that thought, that assurance, that He who has been enough will be enough.

I don’t even remember where I was headed, but I didn’t make it far on my planned journey through the Scriptures. Page 628, and they fluttered to a pause, and I saw it. “Thus says the Lord….’I am the Lord.'” 

Yes, God. Of course. Yes, You are God, and I worship You.

I tried to move on but the words arrested me again. Like I hadn’t gotten it the first time, like it had flown straight at me and I brushed past it and it was quite put out that I hadn’t cared and it circled back around to try to make more of an impression.  Verse 25 this time, “‘I, even I, am He…'”

Yes, God. You are.

“They do not know nor understand.”

OK God then show me? 

Now the top of the page chimed in. “I am the Lord, your Holy One, the Creator of Israel, your King.”

OK God, I’m listening. 

It was all over the page. Not Him giving off a fact sheet about Himself, but painting a picture. As if He’s crying out to me, that if I could only see who He is, just catch this glimpse, that would be all I need to know.

If I can see who He is, I won’t worry about anything else. Because He is God. He blots out my transgressions. He makes a way in the sea.

If I could just always see who He is…


But I fail. A lot.

I worry.

I worry about the future – as if I am supposed to control it, or as if it’s my fault if something doesn’t turn out right. As if God can’t quite do it Himself and I have to have contingency plans in place for when His plans don’t work out. How really dumb of me.

I worry about the stuff I tell myself I’m supposed to do. I call it “being responsible,” but really that’s just a euphemism for worry. Which is only a more respectable-sounding name for….sin. Because it’s just taking on myself burdens of care and fretting about things beyond my control, as if I have to be God for everybody. As if He’s not enough. How really, really dumb of me.

So yeah, I fail, a lot. I get caught up in the messiness of life and I think the world is coming to a desperately terrible end. When really, if I could see God for who He is, all that stuff would be about as disastrous as dead bugs on a window. A little nasty, but you just get a rag and wipe it up and move on with life.

And you know what’s really, really dumb? That sometimes I’d rather just look at those dead bugs, and cry about the bug guts smeared on my window, instead of gazing at God.

But today? In this moment? When Page 628 grabbed me and crawled into my mind and cleaned it out?

God, show me Your glory.

I want to see Jesus.


“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing…..I will even make a road in the wilderness….because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, to give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself; they shall declare My praise.” 

And I drink. I drink my coffee, He wipes away the dead bugs and opens the windows of heaven and I see Jesus. Just a tiny glimpse. And I drink Him in. So thirsty, so dry, so needy.

A1-A31 (5-3-15) {457}nd He is all I need.




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